noojo

“So, if you’re so smart, why didn’t you invent YouTube?”, said my Mother-In-Law.

I cringed at this assault on my intelligence and perhaps even my manhood. Was she dissapointed that her daughter wasn’t married to a billionare by now? I felt like a racehorse at the track being cursed by bettors after losing the trifecta.

My mind raced. Why did she say that? I started trying to figure out how I could answer her question in a manner she could understand. Should I explain that working at a startup is harder than she could possibly realize? Should I mention the risk involved? The fact that I dont even know how to begin to get venture capital? Should I even bother to mention that I’m under contract not unlike this poor schlub and that I even if I tried the entire thing would be owned by someone else?

No, as with most of my relatives, I know that my response will need to be no more than 10 words, preferably all monosyllabic. I say, “I guess I’m not as smart as you thought.” Then, as a foolish afterthought I add, “Besides, I already have a full-time job.”

Undaunted, she retorts, “You could do it in your spare time.”

I have not mastered the cult of personality that makes people think youre a success. I continually fail my relatives tests of my skills, such as:

• Refusing to help them pirate DVDs: “Why dont you just sign up with Netflix instead? You can watch all the DVDs you want without commiting a felony.”
• Refusing to help them pirate software: “You know I’m a Software Developer, right?”
• Helping them with their HDTV: “No, the black bars on the sides of the image are there because not all the content is in true HD, so they pad it with black when they…oh, allright. Go ahead and stretch the image to fill the screen. (sigh.)”

I give up. I admit it. I’m an idiot. You’ve found me out.

I need a beer.